Is this a good introduction/first chapter?
I am writing a story just for fun and just wanted to know what people thought of it so far 
If you want the full stroy line, you can read it here, but it isn’t nessicary:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ak4ROg86mbaDTLx2BUml9AHsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090627180627AAzxea3
Anyways, please tell me what you think and please be honest! Thanks all
ALSO,YOU CAN ONLY READ THE 1ST PARAGRAPH IF YOU WANT, IF YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE READING ALL OF IT, JUST POST IN YOUR QUESTION WHAT PART YOU READ,THANKS!
Solid minds pick up weak spirits like disheveled puppets; dust them off, and subconsciously tell the body, “Everything is going to be alright.” However, what happens when the puppet strings are still crossed and tangled? When limbs are bottled to torso like unborn babies waiting for the first breath of air, but are still weary of what lies on the other side of a new world? Recovery break’s a persons heart if thrust out again into the dark world too quickly. It is the mind’s job to be the crutch of the sufferer until all is well again. And if the mind fails, it leaves the person wobbling on a tight rope with no net: a line far too high, far too thin, and far too dangerous. One slip and everything could go wrong.
You never know what goes on behind closed doors, and Benny Spit’s are far better off bolted and smelted shut. In the privacy of his own home, the worn out man loosens his tie, as well as his hidden emotions. “Aye, terribly sorry, Pumpkin; I didn’t mean to leave you this morning.” said a husky, droned out voice. “Got a new job as a mailman, and have a nice plan you. Just wait and you’ll see.” Benny patted the skeleton figure and flashed a little smile. “Sweets, you’re too good to me. You never complain and you always brighten my day. I love you.” The body showed its same brown, toothy grin as it always did, but Benny saw more in it.
Chuckling, Benny pulled his shoes off, not bothering to untie them. He hadn’t tied, or untied that is, his shoes in almost 6 years. He didn’t know why he had just laughed to himself then, it just seemed appropriate. A fool proof plan had been churning in his brain like a storm, and working as a mail man finally put it into motion. Placing his shoes at the foot of the bed where they had laid before, he stretched his aching muscles and said to his wife, “My, my, these joints sure aren’t what they were. I’m much too old for this kind of work. My eyes are a little foggy, but I can see the roads alright, it’s just lifting the packages that wear me out!” He coughed a little and continued, “Your bones must ache and rattle like a wind chime! No matter, it’s all the same to me, my love; music to my ears! I’d dance for you no matter how much my knees wobble or my back pops.” And with that the man picked up the bag of bones and began ballroom dancing around the dusty bedroom, humming and singing a song he didn’t know.
Tagged with: breath of air • closed doors • crutch • first breath • google • hidden emotions • little smile • nessicary • new job • nice plan • one slip • puppet strings • question index • script type • skeleton figure • sorry pumpkin • sufferer • text javascript • tight rope • unborn babies
Filed under: Wind Chimes
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Your writing and diction is unlike any other person’s I’ve ever read, and that’s enough to draw me in.
The beginning is a bit morbid, but that sets the tone for the rest of the story and that’s great. The tone is the same throughout those paragraphs and it doesn’t leave the reader confused at all.
I love the Benny’s obliviousness on how inappropriate the situation is. He’s very comical, which is good, it’ll make us read more!
All in all, it’s great so far.
Keep going!
Hope I helped!
you’re writing is great, but i think that you would be best off developing a bit of the plot in this first paragraph so we have a hint of what happens. one sentence i think should be taken out is — He didn’t know why he had just laughed to himself then, it just seemed appropriate —. but keep writing. sometimes, it’s hard to get onto the computer and write, and you procrastinate like i am right now, but you have to get through the initial struggle of starting the book. You’re first paragraph doesn’t have to be perfect, but you want to get the message out.
-good luck!
i liked it… continue,,,
thx for my question
good luck
i love it! i want to know his connection to the skeleton and if his sanity is completely gone! haha (: it’s really quite wonderful and i want to know more about yours too. so email me your work and vice versa (:
Thanks for reading the one I wrote!
Your writing is interesting, and it makes you think. You definitely have a way with words. But, sometimes when I was reading, I would get a little confused. That is my only criticism. But I’m sure if I read more it would all make sense. I agree with what the other poster said, that you should probably take out the "he didn’t know why he had just laughed to himself then, it just seemed appropriate" part, as it seems a little awkward. Other than that, your writing is great. Keep it up!
I think you should turn your fun for writing into a profession.
Like the others said, you have a way with words.
Reading that chapter had given me, and no doubt other readers an interest and a question to what the book will be about.
I really enjoyed it and have many questions.
It seemed like a sort of horro book, as the man carried a bag with bones around and danced with them.
(was that his so called ‘wife’?) spooky
I really enjoyed it.
keep writing and I expect that book to be seen on the shelves of a book store.
It’s very good–you have great writing skills and you definitely need to pursue it further!
Help me with my story too?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AmEpCIP4sGBOXPyYJIVQzYHsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090624163337AAWk7so
i didnt read the wholee thing but i read up to a little after conversation starts and it was good a little abstract but good and well thought.
AMAZING!
You should start out with more of a plot though, because I became a little comfused.
I love some of the sentences and their imagery, like "solid minds pick up weak spirits."
I think you should break it down and put it into more paragraphs, I mean the second paragraph seems to follow more than one train of thought,
and leave out what appear to be some unnecessary sentences"He didn’t know just why he had laughed just then", and is it important to the plot/character development about not untying his shoes?
I can’t say enough how much I like the first paragraph, though, and your excerpt did make me want to know what happens next.
All in all, good job so far!
Your good, but its too creepy for my style. Sorry, but im a wimp, cant even watch ghost hunters xD
beautifully written. Your writing style is unique and very captivating! I love the details and descriptions you put into this piece of work, and I believe that you have the potential to become a very talented author. Very well done!
You have talent! Yes, this is a very good introduction.
When you write your book, let me know.. 
And thank you for answering my question..
This really is very good. I think your opening was just so well thought, it pulled me straight in to the story. I’m not too sure what the imagery is, but strangely I find that doesn’t matter? Is this an effect you were going for?
Im not just saying this because you answered my question, but it is genuinley nice and refreshing to see a writer with vivid imagination and colourful description.
I’m writing a novel to..:}
I liked it, to me it was almost like a poem. you should carry on and do what ever you can to get it published because personaly i love how you describe the puppets its almost like peotry, it flows just as well.
good luck with finnishing
nomz